Must we give people the power to turn us into bitter non-believers? How can we deal with this in our grotesque dating world? If you have been knocked down, get up, dust yourself off, find the courage and faith within yourself, and continue - knowing that you deserve better!

You just came, or shall I say ‘ran’ home from a date that you do not even want to admit that happened. How did you escape? Did you suddenly remember your great grandmother’s 130th birthday party, which actually starts in one hour, and “Oh no!” you left the birthday present: pet-monkey-in-a-box, underneath the seat of the U4? Or did you pull off the brave “force-yourself-out-of-the-restaurant-bathroom-window” getaway, not caring about the thorny rose bushes below? The main thing is that you got out of there fast, alive, and without a trace – of course not counting the bloody scratches from the roses. Anything, just not to enduring another hour with the date you’ve realized is actually an alien in a dress, or suit and tie. After all, how bad can flying through glass windows really be? I’m sure you will need this talent eventually some day, so consider it good practice for other insane situations. Congratulations! You have escaped the date from hell. You get home to your comfortable couch and think, “Do I ever want to go through that again?” It’s not just about the dates, but also the relationships, and even marriages. It’s about going through those awful experiences, which you never wish to repeat again, yet still miraculously being able to keep the faith in true love! Can you do that; keep the faith?

My best friend Jilli dated a guy last year. Let’s call him “C”. Last December they flew to Paris, to spend a beautiful weekend together. After all, isn’t Paris supposed to be the most romantic city in the world? On Saturday night, they went to Silencio, which is an astoundingly beautiful and mysterious nightclub, designed by David Lynch. The first drinks were ordered, and they went to dance. After some time, C went to get more drinks. 30 minutes have passed… then 1 hour, and he was nowhere to be seen. Jilli became concerned and went to search for him. She found C at the dark bar, with a woman on each side, hugging, laughing and drinking together. In front of them were numerous empty shot glasses and drinks. C had forgotten about her, and seemed to be having a wonderful time with these females. Instead of freaking out, Jilli approached the bar, turned her back to him and introduced herself to the women. After a few shared jokes, Jilli took over their attention, and the ladies had completely forgot about C’s existence. C was dumbly confused at how such a switch could suddenly happen?

While Jilli appeared to be laughing with the ladies, inside, her heart was shattering into a million pieces. Why the hell did she fly to Paris with him? Definitely not to stand alone in a dark club and watch him flirt with and touch other women in front of her face! What the hell was wrong with this imbecile?! She wanted to cry and scream at him; she was hurt and so damn disappointed. But instead, she went back to their hotel, packed her bag, and took the first flight back home alone to Frankfurt. It turned out that C is a suffering entity that keeps looking for the next adventure in order to feel at least half-alive. He sold his young company for multi-million Euros a few years back, and somehow lost touch with reality. Inside, he is extremely lonely, and suffers deeply because he cannot differentiate between which people are around him for his money, or because of him as a person. This is his curse, and therefore, he will never be able to find true love. The sad thing is that Jilli did not see this at the beginning, because he masked his rotten heart with convincing smiles, sweet words and promises. Jilli had true intentions for him, but got extremely hurt in the process. After time had passed, Jilli heard that C still treats all women like worthless pieces of dirt, even though some good ones have crossed his path. His regrets shall come later, when he is old and all alone.

What was Jilli supposed to do after this horror weekend? Give up on men, never go on dates anymore, or give up hope of finding true love? (Same goes the other way around for men in such situations). I believe that you never really know why something is happening, as it’s happening to you. The real reason becomes clear sometime later. In such situations, there are only two things that can be done. First is to have strong and unconditional faith; that good things will come to you when the time is right. What’s also important, is to believe that you deserve this goodness! This strong unrelenting faith is what shall keep you going. This is not easy, but it’s the only way to survive in this harsh dating world. The second choice is to lose faith in the goodness in people, and give up. Once this happens, deep sadness and bitterness sets in, and that’s when the downward spiral begins. It’s quite a dangerous path. However, I personally believe that this is a life lesson, and as strangely as it sounds, may even be a test – to see how much one really believes in and deserves true love. Giving up is the easiest path. It’s actually the strongest individuals who love beyond all imperfections, cry behind closed doors, and fight heartbreaking battles.

Jilli was upset for the following few months. She was angry at herself for falling into such a painful trap. The ego was hurt. But as time passed and grievances were forgotten, the heart still longed to meet a special person, and find true love. Little did Jilli know that one year after the catastrophic time with C, due to her unconditional faith in finding love – especially after such sick experiences - she will be together with her soul mate in Frankfurt, and finally have true love!

The point of this story is that Jilli did not give up, as tempting as it was. Let’s be realistic, we have all had our fair share of absurd dating situations, disappointments, failure of expectations and cruel intentions. But must we give these people the power to discourage and turn us into bitter non-believers? Best is to gather your strength, sense of survival, and not allow such people and situations to damage you. If you have been knocked down, get up, dust yourself off, find the courage and faith within yourself, and continue - knowing that you deserve better! True love really does exist, but you must believe in it.

Dear readers, if you have any questions about love, relationships, sex, etc. Or need my suggestion/opinion about a matter, please do not hesitate to personally contact me at: galia@journal-frankfurt.de